How are you coping with stress – take the COPE to identify which coping strategies you use.

It’s a few weeks to New Year’s but as 2009 comes to a close I figure it’s never too late to do a mental health check. A recent survey by the American Psychological Association found that:

• 42% of Americans report stress has increased over the past year (compared to 47% in 2008)
• Most people rely on sedentary activities to manage their stress (49% - this percentage includes watching T.V., reading and sleeping)
• 43% say they eat too much or eat unhealthy foods because of stress
• Nearly half of all adults report laying awake at night worrying (47%)

It’s a pretty sobering picture. The figures for the workplace are just as bad. Workplace bullying is on the increase; many complain of impossible workloads; and job insecurity is causing significant physical and emotional health problems. A recent survey by NICE concluded that 13.7 million working days are lost each year as a result of work related illness.

You are probably experiencing excessive work related stress if you:

• Constantly feel anxious, irritable or angry
• Have significant problems sleeping
• Have trouble concentrating
• Feel constantly tired
• Increase the use of alcohol, cigarettes or drugs to cope
• Hurry Sickness (multi-tasking on steroids; lot of activity little achievement)

Then there is burnout.

Burnout has three components*:

Emotional Exhaustion.
For example:

• I feel emotionally drained from your work
• I feel like I’m at the end of my rope
• I feel used up at the end of the workday
• Working with people all day is really a stress for me

Cynicism.
For example:

• I don’t really care what happens to people I work with
• I’ve become more callous toward people since taking this job

Lack of Personal Accomplishment.
For example:

• I feel I make an effective contribution to what this organization does
• I have accomplished many worthwhile things in my job
• In my work, I deal with emotional problems very calmly

How burnout differs from stress

There are some significant differences between feeling stressed and being burnout.

Report Card

As you read through this post how many of the symptoms or behaviors of stress or burnout did you feel applied to you? If you found yourself nodding in agreement or mentally checking how many applied to you, then you may be at risk of work-related stress or burnout. So what can you do to protect yourself from stress? 

There are three ways to cope with stress (or distress); problem focused coping aimed at altering the source of stress, emotional focused coping dealing with the management of the feelings accompanying the situation, and finally dysfunctional coping directed at dulling the emotions through alcohol or drugs. People use problem-focused strategies when they believe they can change the cause of distress and emotional focused coping when they feel they have no alternative but to endure the situation.

Examples of problem focused coping:

• Planning
• Asking for advice, assistance or information from others
• Engaging with the problem
• Learning new skills (for example relaxation or other stress management skills)

Examples of emotional focused coping

• Looking on the bright-side
• Disengagement
• Denial (see other dysfunctional defense mechanisms)

Examples of Dysfunctional Coping

• Retail therapy (when the going gets tough the tough go shopping)
• Alcohol
• Drugs
• Venting

How effective is your coping strategy – take the COPE survey. Premium Content Members Only!

Want more help? Contact us at info@rowleyassoc.com for a consultation.

* These items are taken from the Maslach Burnout Inventory, the gold standard for measuring burnout in organizations.

After 25 years of conducting our own research and working with leaders from Fortune 500 companies we believe leadership is the combination of two factors – Conviction and Connection.

Leaders with high conviction provide a compelling vision of the future; understand what is happening in their industry; are passionate, authentic and committed to understanding and servicing the needs of their customers.

The connected leader understands how their behavior impacts others; they communicate with power and authority; and bring the best out of those who work with them. These leaders build and sustain high quality relationships, are trusted and radiate confidence and belief to those around him.

The combination of Conviction and Connection provides the following leadership styles.

C1: High Conviction-Low Connection. The C1 leader is high on action and low on communication. They are likely to diminish the importance of relationships and partnerships and fail to balance a fierce desire to succeed with self-reflection and feedback.

C2: High Conviction-High Connection. The C2 leader is asser¬tive, confident, and can communicate her ideas effectively. These leaders balance their drive to succeed with the realization that it is others who get the job done.

C3: Low Conviction-Low Connection. The C3 leader has withdrawn from the leader¬ship role. This may be a result of ‘burnout’ – a feeling of having nothing more to give - a desire to remain invisible, or an inability to develop a strategic plan that provides clarity and direction for people.

C4: Low Conviction-High Connection. This leader tries to avoid conflict. They are often driven by the need to obtain approval rather than provide leadership. The C4 leader is often liked as a person but disliked as a person to work for.

Which one are you?

She discusses roadblocks to career success, the relationship between beliefs and a leader's brand, over-confidence and self awareness.  

http://www.effectiveyou.com/?page_id=91

Bob was upset. He had spent countless hours combing though data and meticulously crafting a report summarizing what the Enterprise department could do to boost sales. His boss didn’t like it. Bob returned to his office, threw the report on the floor, called his business manager in and criticized him for ‘putting him in a difficult situation’ with his boss. Janet was passed over for a promotion. She was angry and upset. On the way home she fantasized about what she’d like to do to her boss when she did get promoted and achieved her career goals.

Do either of these stories sound familiar? They should. We all use variations of these themes. Bob and Janet’s stories are examples of ‘Defense Mechanisms’.  We all use defense mechanisms to avoid, hide or distort the frustration or discomfort caused by painful or difficult experiences. Bob was upset by his boss’s comments so he used the defenses of ‘acting out’ (throwing the report on the ground) and ‘displacement’ (blaming his business manager instead of being angry with his boss or looking at his own culpability in the report being rejected). As she fantasized about being promoted Janet used a defense called sublimation to work through her feelings of hurt and disappointment.

Psychologists have identified 19 different defense mechanisms. Some are categorized as ‘primitive’ others are defined as either ‘neurotic’ or ‘mature’. The more primitive a defense mechanism, for example Bob throwing his report on the floor, the less effective it is as a long term solution to setbacks or disappointment.

Like many behaviors our preferred defense mechanisms are set in childhood and we often use them unconsciously, reacting to a situation without thinking. However, as with most patterns of behavior, the key to building a healthy defense is to first become aware of which strategy you use to cope. Primitive or neurotic defenses may damage your ‘brand’ and impact performance. Here are some descriptions of the more frequently used defense strategies. Read through each one and see which apply to you. Use this feedback to help you identify your pattern and perhaps start to build a healthier, mature defense.

Primitive Defense Mechanisms

Denial – If I forget about it, ignore it or deny it ever happened maybe it will go away. Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact and is regarded as the most primitive of all defenses.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree.

“People say I tend to ignore unpleasant facts as if they don’t exist”

“I fear nothing”

Projection – I project my shortcomings onto someone else. For example in an argument with a colleague I accuse him of never listening when in fact I am the one that doesn’t listen.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree

“People tend to mistreat me”

“I am sure I get a raw deal in life”

Acting out – In my example above Bob acted out by throwing his report on the ground. Acting out usually occurs when an individual cannot think of another way to express his or her thoughts or feelings. Acting out can release pent-up feelings but has the collateral damage of a person becoming labeled as a hothead or aggressive.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree

“I often act impulsively when something is bothering me”

“I get openly aggressive when I feel hurt”

Neurotic Defense Mechanisms

Undoing – Jacquie spoke her mind during a leadership team meeting, pointing out failures of execution and asking Zoey, a peer in sales, some very tough questions. After the meeting she spent the rest of the day ‘undoing’ her comments. She praised the work of Zoey and felt she was mistaken in the errors she identified.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree:

“After I fight for my rights, I tend to apologize for my assertiveness”

“If I have an aggressive thought, I feel the need to do something to compensate for it”

Idealization – In meetings Simon constantly refers to the positive qualities of his boss, even though his boss constantly criticizes Simon and undermines his authority. Simon’s constant exaggeration of his managers’ ability helps him cope with the stress and anxiety caused by his managers’ constant criticisms.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree:

“I always feel that someone I know is like a guardian angel”

“There is someone I know who can do anything and who is absolutely fair and just”

Mature Defense Mechanisms

Humor - Despite a series of tough meetings and no decision being made to hire his firm Mike was able to see the funny side of his day. Forgetting the managing partners name and the ridiculous décor of the reception area caused him a wry smile. Humor as a defense should not be confused with not caring. It’s quite the opposite. The fact that you do care means you need to deploy a defensive strategy. The fact that Bob would like to strangle the smug managing partner was better managed using humor – after all he had to manage the relationship going forward and land the deal.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree:

“I am able to laugh at myself pretty easily”

“I’m usually able to see the funny side of an otherwise painful predicament”

Sublimation – Remember Janet? She was passed over for a promotion and on her drive home she fantasized about what she’d like to do to her boss when she did get promoted and achieved her career goals. Sublimation reframes the negative feelings of a situation into more socially acceptable, positive outcomes. For example, a client, Glenn, was very passive aggressive in his relationships with others. I discussed the cause of his frustration but more importantly we spoke about what activities in his life caused him joy. Michael spoke of his love of woodwork. His ‘homework’ was to ‘retool’ his studio and focus his energy into woodworking. He channeled his anxiety and anger into more creative outlets helping him put distance between his negative emotions.

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree:

“I work out my anxiety doing something constructive and creative”

“Sticking to the task at hand keeps me from feeling depressed and anxious”

Anticipation – is the ability to plan for a tough experience or situation. Sheila had to give an employee a ‘failing grade’. She knew this would be a tough conversation and wanted to make sure her employee heard and understood what she needed to do differently if he wanted to keep his job. She practiced her points with a close colleague, had all the information at her finger-tips and made sure she would stay ‘on-message’

• Questions to consider. How much do you agree or disagree:

“When I have to face a difficult situation I try to imagine what it will be like and plan ways to deal with it”

“If I can predict that I’m going to be upset ahead of time, I can cope better”

Give the cat or your colleagues a break

Using primitive or neurotic defense mechanisms may provide short-term relief but the longer-term impact on your brand, and your performance will be significant. The key to changing the way you protect your self from vulnerability is to be honest about which defense mechanism you use. If you are struggling to identify whether you ‘act out’, ‘project’ or ‘undo’ ask a close colleague to provide some feedback by describing what they see you do when confronted with tough feedback or disappointment.  Once you know how you behave then you can take steps to building a healthier defense.

The latest ‘psychology to TV’ tie-in is ‘Lie to Me’ starring Tim Roth as the self-described ‘human lie detector’. The show is based on the work of noted psychologist Paul Ekman who has researched and written extensively about the relationship between facial expression, lying and emotion. Amongst other things Ekman specializes in helping people ‘read’ micro-expressions – facial expressions that last no more than 1/25 of a second and which tell the observer what a person is really trying to hide. I have used Ekman’s Micro Expression Training Tool (METT) both personally and with clients. It’s a CD based training that really helps focus attention on these small facial expressions.

To hear Ekman talk about his work check out this video.

And Ekman talking about the show http://www.fox.com/fod/play.php?sh=lietome&ep=1233609522416

Leadership Therapy: Inside the Mind of Microsoft
by Dr. Anna Rowley

Well-known for being an intense place to work, Microsoft employees face constant pressure to innovate and excel while remaining passionately devoted to their jobs. Leadership Therapy: Inside the Mind of Microsoft shares what Dr. Anna Rowley has learned working for over 14 years as a consulting psychologist for this dynamic company. Using her experiences at Microsoft, she reveals and resolves psychological issues commonly faced by many of us at work.

Leadership Therapy: Inside the Mind of Microsoft offers:

• A birds-eye view of Dr. Anna Rowley’s practice of Leadership Therapy
• An understanding of common problems experienced by people in the workplace
• A step-by-step strategy for applying Leadership Therapy techniques and becoming your own leadership therapist

Acute, frank, and engaging, Leadership Therapy combines the building blocks of Leadership Therapy with intriguing accounts of Dr. Anna Rowley’s clients. Part workbook, part narrative, it illustrates how Leadership Therapy has helped hundreds of men and women work through their problems, reinvigorate their careers, and change their attitudes toward work.

Topics include:

• Beliefs — The bedrock of your business
• Confidence — Why we need it, how we loose it, how to get it back
• Self Awareness and your Behavioral Signature
• Trust — The glue that holds us together
• Power — Do you want to be feared or loved?
• Be Your Own Therapist

Book Excerpts

Chapter 2 Belief, The cornerstone of your business

Chapter 5, Trust. The glue that holds us together